Tag: Writing

I Applied

.Reading time 3 minutes.

I applied for my first writing job today! It was a really fun application process. I got to showcase my writing and answer questions that did not necessarily have a right or wrong answer needed. Since taking on this crazy writing journey, I knew that I always wanted to eventually get paid to write, but had no idea where to start. I did some hunting and found a place for Freelance Writing jobs and actually had the balls to apply to one. Whether I get the job or not, I’m just proud of myself for reaching out of my comfort zone and applying for a writing job. As much as I want to keep writing my own stories and keep them to myself for fear of judgment, I can’t think like that or be scared of judgement. Especially if I want to become an actually author of books that people buy, I can’t constantly hideaway all of my writing from the world. Hitting the submit button on my application was nerve-racking, yet exhilarating. Going forward, I will be searching and applying for more writing jobs, so that I can write and get paid while I’m on my own journey to becoming an author. If you know me, you’ll know that I always say that the journey is the best part.

It’s been quite a few months since posting a blog, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t been writing. I’ve been working on several projects since my last blog post in January. I’ve been consumed with writing since then, but as of late I’ve felt that I needed to do more with my writing. This is why I’ve been searching around for writing jobs, that are actually willing to work with a writer with no actual experience besides writing on their own time. No one ever goes into a job knowing the job completely. They have to learn how a company expects that particular job to be done and be trained on said job. I don’t think you ever stop learning. You could be doing a specific job for 25 years, but jobs are ever changing and new things arise, so you’ll learn a new thing or two along the way. There is always a starting place, so to those companies who are willing to take a chance on someone to show them what they can bring to the table, I applaud you.

Here’s to applying for my first writing job, and all the writing jobs I now have the confidence to apply for in the future!

Clicking the “Post/Publish” button

.Reading time 5 minutes.

I highly doubt that I’m the only writer that gets anxiety when it comes time to post/publish a piece of work. I get bad anxiety when I have to click that button. It seems like it’s the hardest thing to do. It makes me laugh, because all I hear in my head as my mouse pointer hovers over the button is “push the goddamn button” from the movie Rush Hour. I blame my perfectionism with my writing as the culprit. I hold myself at a high standard when it comes to my writing and I never want to feel like my writing is shit. I never think that my writing is good enough (in my mind), so it gets hard to click that button.

I initially started my blog to feel better about my writing and learn from it, but it’s still difficult to press the “publish” button on here. Every time I publish something I reread it several times over again and see little things that bother me. Of course, I have the option of editing my work, but if I did that I would edit until I just delete the entire post. Yes, I reread my work before posting as well, but I will still have that little irk to click edit after posting. 

Not only do I post my writing here, but I literally just posted (5 minutes ago) my first short story to a Fanfic website. I was shaking as I clicked the “post” button. I edited my story during the posting process about 8 different times – no joke. Yes, I read fanfiction, it’s something that I’ve enjoyed for the last 20 years. I never had the courage to post my own stories that I thought of though. I love reading other people’s work, because it’s so good and I love learning how others compose stories. I started writing my story in December and finally had the guts to post it today. Although I had anxiety, I felt accomplished to see my story posted with everyone else’s. 

I get so nervous to share my work with the public, but if I ever want to make this Writer thing work, I have stop being so judgmental with myself. I also hate it, because when you post any part of your work you open yourself up to all sorts of critics. Some people might love your work and want to read more, but others might hate your work entirely and will most definitely let you know. This is the reason I get anxiety when I post my work. Yes, I know that not all comments will be good, but I also stick to the golden rule of “treat others the way you want to be treated.” I love to read other people’s work regardless of it being a beginner type of writing. We all start at the beginning and will get further with our writer the longer we practice. I am nowhere near where I want to be with my writing and that is okay; I’ll get there.

Fingers crossed for positive feedback and positive criticism that helps me learn in the process of writing. Being guarded with my writing is a challenge, but I will eventually let my guard down and take a leap. Anxiety over my work aside, I’m proud of whatever I write and share, and that is all that matters. I write for myself, not for everyone else. 

So, here’s to clicking that “Post/Publish” button a little quicker and with a lot less anxiety! 😉

Thunder Only Happens When It’s Raining

.Reading time 6 minutes.

He’s gone. He died. On Saturday, May 1st my dad and I talked all day long and at 8:35pm we would never talk to each other again. In the blink of an eye, my hero, my rock, the last parent I had left, was gone. When I was 17 years old, and my mother was slowly dying from cancer, I had given up on religion and praying. My mom was quickly gone, and my prayers felt like they had been a waste of time and were nothing. I had my father to lean on, and boy, did I. He hadn’t been feeling too well for the two weeks prior to his death; he chalked it up to being a cold. He spent his last day working (for Apple) and talking to me, all while in a hospital bed. The one thing I held onto was the fact that it wasn’t COVID-19 that killed him. I kept thinking that he made it through 2020 but couldn’t make it halfway through 2021. It was fast and quick; our family is still dealing with a bit of shock. 

My dad knew that I started writing more, but I never got to tell him the extent of where I was going with my writing. I was nervous to tell him that I wanted to write full time and pursue this journey. He was the type of person that wanted me to fulfill my dreams and strive for them, but he also wanted me to be realistic in case my dreams didn’t work out. I’ve always hid my writing passion, because of this. I dabbled here and there, but never actually put my full attention to it. I decided at the beginning of April that I was quitting my job at the company I was working for to focus all my attention to my writing; it was one of the best decisions I had ever made. I spent all of April writing and setting myself up to continue on my writing journey full time. When my father died on May 1st, I put my writing on hold. I spent the last two months dealing with all of his possessions, packing up his house, filling out paperwork, phone calls, etc., I was doing everything but writing. Throughout the last two months I had friends and family ask me how my job was complying with the fact that I needed this much time off. I started to tell people about me quitting my job and pursuing writing full time; to my surprise everyone thought it was a wonderful decision and supports me to the fullest. It was definitely what I needed to hear, because I was always hard on myself with my writing. My writing needed to be perfect, because I was a bit of a perfectionist, and it was a reflection of myself. I didn’t want to be seen as being a failure or no good enough. As I started back in April, I was learning that it was ok if my writing wasn’t perfect and the more, I practiced it would be a great reflection of myself. It was ok if I failed, because failure brings greatness. The more I work at it the better I’ll get. I think my dad secretly knew how much I loved to write, and he knew that I would eventually succeed.

 I joked that I went from being Finding Nemo having just my dad to being Harry Potter with no parents at all. Laughter really is the best medicine, especially when you’re in pain. There are parts of me that are forever lost and gone, but that doesn’t mean I won’t continue on my journey. Both of my parents would be so disappointed in me if I sat here and sulked instead of striving for a passion of mine. Losing both my parents before thirty-five is tough, but I’m grateful for the time I was given with both of them and sad to say, but it could be worse. My outlook for everything is to stay positive and see the glass half full rather than half empty. I opened one of the manuscripts that I was working on and started adding more to the story this past week. My two-month hiatus isn’t fully over, but I know that I need to start writing again to keep my sanity at peace and my dream alive. I will get through this, because I’m back, baby! 😊

Fear of Failure

.Reading time 3 minutes.

One of the first things that I learned when it came to writing was that a writer should write every day. It didn’t matter what I wrote if I was writing. I thought about this and realized that regardless of what type of writing I was doing, I was still writing every day. Whether it came to a social media post about a friend’s birthday, opening my notepad on my phone and jotting down my thoughts, a blog post, or even working on my novel, I was writing. At times I get the dreaded writer’s block, and I think I get it not because of not having an idea of where I’m going with what I’m trying to say, but because I have a fear of failure. I struggle with being a perfectionist in most if not all the things that I do. I believe that everything I do or say is a representation of my character, and I want my work to perfectly represent me well. I fear that what may seem perfect to me will fail with others. I must remind myself that we’re all different and it’s okay if someone doesn’t agree with how I write or even like my work. When I start to write something, I tell myself that failure doesn’t mean you failed, it just means that you tried. I think Denzel Washington said it best “every failed experiment is one step closer to success”. You must look at the positive in your failed attempts because it just means you are one step closer to succeeding. I constantly remind myself on the successes that people have achieved and how they got there. Thomas Edison made 1,000 unsuccessful attempts with the lightbulb and on his 1,001 attempt the light came to life. Success doesn’t happen overnight; it takes hard work and dedication. Keep writing, put pen to paper, write what you want and feel, write for you and no one else. You are your toughest critic, because no doubt about it, failure is inevitable. I always tell people “don’t be afraid to fail at something you love doing, because you will fail at least once, but you’ll get up and succeed or fail again – that is called trying”. So, here’s to FAILING, may it bring me success sooner or later!